Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Trusting the Process...

At first I tell myself that I should just have faith that this edge is there, this place were I come to, this knowing that I have something special inside that sees things. Some call it talent. I oft times doubt that very word. It feels like self agrandisement to me.

When I find myself without the impetus of faith in my "talent" I creep to the edge and do something different, just testing, see. And, ninety-nine percent of the time I am met with my own magic. Square in the face. If I had not the doubt, perhaps the magic would not feel so, well, magical. I might take it for granted.

Yesterday, someone I admire told me my work was "stunning". I about fell off my chair. *I* see my work as fulfilling to me, and sometimes I sense it is darned good.

But, yesterday was a kick in the pants. Not only did I acurately portray (and that *is* what a portrait can do) the inner and outer beauty of someone I think is heart-flutteringly gorgeous, but someone who knows "Good" when they see it, someone who is well-published and talented in his own right, told me I was talented.

It just does not get much better than that, for an artist, for a child learning to ride a bike, for a lonely elderly woman who is learning to cook something new.

Self-esteem is the best drug on the planet.

Go get yourself some.


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