Faith without Proof...
In response to a blog entry of a friend about his despair regarding loss of relationship and his cynicism about bonding and True Love:
I sense your cynicism and despair. It is a palpable cloud around you. But I also sense it is lifting. This is a good thing. When you shine, you are so brilliant.
Over the past few years my core beliefs about True Love have shifted dramatically. I *used* to be addicted to Disney Chemicals, that pervasive notion in our culture that there is The One out there who will match you so perfectly. It is a shame that we indoctrinate our youth, particularly our women, who then pass this on to the next generation of women, with this idea that lightning will strike them and when the smoke clears the Beloved will be standing there, perfect and whole and willing to merge to the core, ready to take care of them, to take the lonliness away forever.
There is no perfect. There is no whole. There is no merging to the core.
I have a firm belief in the Spiritual Beginning of the Universe. I believe that when we click so deeply with someone we don't know well, that we are actually Remembering what it was to be part of a Whole. Part of God. The many faces of In His Image. Call it what you will, but there is a definate recognition that happens. And that alchemy is intoxicating. Like anything good that is intoxicating, it behooves one to be judicious about the degree to which we turn ourselves over to it.
Most people fall into love. Fall. Into...unaware, blind and jacked up on the high of endorphine and recognition, desire and hope, they wander deep into the woods, unaware.
Love takes work. And True Love, Soul Connected love, is deep and rich and messy and noisy and quiet and profound and delicate and so many things that cannot be understood with the roar of Myth in your ears. It takes a lot of work to stay Centered. It takes bravery to face the fact that the person standing before you is human, and NOT the image you have carried around with you since youth. Falling into humanity, from the pedestal of Desire and Want, is a long, hard drop.
It takes a lot of self love and compassion for others to be able to stay in a relationship when the masks drop, when the bloody shards of our hurts become apparent, when we are brave enough to divulge how hurt and broken we are inside.
I do believe in Supreme Connection. I do believe in Big Love, in Profound Relationship. They come at odd times, at great risk. I believe that Falling In Love happens. I also believe whole heartedly in Walking into Love. Much gentler process.
The ability to stay in Self and with Other at the same time is crucial to maintaining balance. The siren song of Merging Souls is loud and it sways you away from Self. It can be a clever ruse to steer you away from the work you may need to do, and some people use it as such. Being profoundly connected to someone through love (agape or other wise) can be a phenomenal way to learn about yourself and the world. Having another heart, mind, soul and body to show you things about yourself and the world that you could never have known without that particular viewpoint, is part of the Good Magic of bonding.
The Biggest Hurts from abandonment are born of our inability to be at Home and at Peace with ourselves. It is a curse of our own making that we so quickly abandon ourselves to new relationship. If one can remain awake, alive and happy with *oneself*, only then can true partnering, healthy communion and soulful bonding survive.
And only through Real Commitment to path together can we as humans make the best and take the most from our relationships. That promise means to commit to truth and to the awareness that Change happens. It also means that we don't quit until it Just Does Not Work and Never Will.
Too many people make that choice too soon.
My 349 cents worth.
I sense your cynicism and despair. It is a palpable cloud around you. But I also sense it is lifting. This is a good thing. When you shine, you are so brilliant.
Over the past few years my core beliefs about True Love have shifted dramatically. I *used* to be addicted to Disney Chemicals, that pervasive notion in our culture that there is The One out there who will match you so perfectly. It is a shame that we indoctrinate our youth, particularly our women, who then pass this on to the next generation of women, with this idea that lightning will strike them and when the smoke clears the Beloved will be standing there, perfect and whole and willing to merge to the core, ready to take care of them, to take the lonliness away forever.
There is no perfect. There is no whole. There is no merging to the core.
I have a firm belief in the Spiritual Beginning of the Universe. I believe that when we click so deeply with someone we don't know well, that we are actually Remembering what it was to be part of a Whole. Part of God. The many faces of In His Image. Call it what you will, but there is a definate recognition that happens. And that alchemy is intoxicating. Like anything good that is intoxicating, it behooves one to be judicious about the degree to which we turn ourselves over to it.
Most people fall into love. Fall. Into...unaware, blind and jacked up on the high of endorphine and recognition, desire and hope, they wander deep into the woods, unaware.
Love takes work. And True Love, Soul Connected love, is deep and rich and messy and noisy and quiet and profound and delicate and so many things that cannot be understood with the roar of Myth in your ears. It takes a lot of work to stay Centered. It takes bravery to face the fact that the person standing before you is human, and NOT the image you have carried around with you since youth. Falling into humanity, from the pedestal of Desire and Want, is a long, hard drop.
It takes a lot of self love and compassion for others to be able to stay in a relationship when the masks drop, when the bloody shards of our hurts become apparent, when we are brave enough to divulge how hurt and broken we are inside.
I do believe in Supreme Connection. I do believe in Big Love, in Profound Relationship. They come at odd times, at great risk. I believe that Falling In Love happens. I also believe whole heartedly in Walking into Love. Much gentler process.
The ability to stay in Self and with Other at the same time is crucial to maintaining balance. The siren song of Merging Souls is loud and it sways you away from Self. It can be a clever ruse to steer you away from the work you may need to do, and some people use it as such. Being profoundly connected to someone through love (agape or other wise) can be a phenomenal way to learn about yourself and the world. Having another heart, mind, soul and body to show you things about yourself and the world that you could never have known without that particular viewpoint, is part of the Good Magic of bonding.
The Biggest Hurts from abandonment are born of our inability to be at Home and at Peace with ourselves. It is a curse of our own making that we so quickly abandon ourselves to new relationship. If one can remain awake, alive and happy with *oneself*, only then can true partnering, healthy communion and soulful bonding survive.
And only through Real Commitment to path together can we as humans make the best and take the most from our relationships. That promise means to commit to truth and to the awareness that Change happens. It also means that we don't quit until it Just Does Not Work and Never Will.
Too many people make that choice too soon.
My 349 cents worth.
posted by Sparkmonkey at 6:57 AM
2 Comments:
I've read this post at least a half dozen times now so I've finally printed it out. I need to read it at least a hundred more times.
Ironice, though, that the person to whom I wrote it will not communicate with me anymore...or so it seems. I have tried emailing to no avail. He says he will call, and does not. I suspect I hit a Hy00ge nerve or something. Sad, that, because I was kinda smitten...*sigh*
I thought I was doing the right thing by writing what I thought and felt was true about relationships. I suppose that if someone can't handle this sort of depth and honesty, they shouldn't be with me anyway. :(
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