Monday, July 31, 2006

Can you hear me now?

I was really hungry. I had been standing in line at Verizon Wireless for about 30 years today. I was behind a woman and her mom and the woman's baby. The baby, well, she did not like granny so very much. No, the kissing thing, it wasn't gonna fly. Tears, spit and kicking ensued. Granny dealt with it. Sorta.

The Heidi I've-Got-A-Huge-Bug-Up-My-Ass was next. See, someone in the office, the one on the phone? so she told her that she couldn't add those extra text message minutes on after the bill and like, she got a huge bill and then, and then, and then she went off...

Janice, behind the desk? She already told all of us that it was Not A Good Day for Janice. But, we alraedy knew that onaccounta that nasty smirk, the one that looks like she just ate a piece of nasty cheese THINKING it was white chocolate, because, you know, she LUUUUVs her white chocolate. That just left a permanent stabby cramp in her face. It reads: Yeah, go ahead. Ask me. Just Try. I am going to call my kids on the phone now while you all wait for your liver spots to turn up.

My kids went to forage for some snacks. One can only expect so much from teens in a phone store once they have pushed all the buttons, salivated over the Razors and dicked around with the Trios. They got us three cups of Pretzel Time pretzels and 3 sodas. They came back about 15 years after they left, which was about 10 more years before we got to talk with Janice of the Perpetual Snit. We couldn't eat in the store, cause, you know, that just is not a good idea (unless it is white chocolate, then, Janice totally approves). So they took turns guarding it outside the store while I watched Janice pick her teeth, man handle some boxes (oour phones, our phones were in those boxes) then she pushed some paper around and waited until the veins in my neck were just about to pop before she called out: "Julia!"

Um, I have been standing in front of you for about 15 years now, give or take, and my drivers license is right in front of you with my name, and ah, eyah, that's me.

In the meantime, as my bloodsugar was rocketing down like a shuttle with a fubar O-ring, my kids wandered away from our victuals.

And, when we turned away....they were GONE.

12 bux of American Wheat Flour and sugar water were heisted. Double damn.

But, we got the new phones.

On the way home I I made myself laugh hysterically thinking about sending Janice a picture from my new camera phone....of my naked ass.

Oh, what a day.


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